Dark Heart
With a Velvet Spotlight!
I’m convinced that the world is divided into two types of people: naturally early risers and creative types. There is no twain.
Nighttime, especially after midnight, is still, silent, and full of secret potential, especially for horror writers. But the world isn’t exactly built for those of us who feel the most alive when we’re nestled in the solace of these frenetically reflective hours. I want to feel and truly know the darkness in my soul. My kids’ school wants them to arrive at 8:15 A.M., just before most of their parents have to punch in at a standard nine-to-five.
After the pell-mell mess of the holidays, the kids have been back at school for just about two weeks now. I used to wake up about halfway, shove them on the bus, and fall back into bed. Now, I have to wake up more fully to drive them to school with their devoted grandmother, and… exist. During the day. For, like, awhile. How do you daywalkers do this full time?
Last night’s writers’ group was amazing, as usual, but at 10:00 P.M. I was actually tired, and it felt terribly unfair. The restless, fertile, creative night belongs to me. I’m not allowed to get sleepy that early. It isn’t fair.
While I got great feedback from amazing writers and feel like the ending I wanted finally has a shape true to my book’s theme and message, I was the kind of tired that shows up on your face and draws comments. I also gave the appearance of waiting patiently to offer my own comments on Marirose’s emotional, incredible chapter of her own work, the whole time just fighting to keep my eyes open. I was alert enough to remember what she wrote. It was riveting enough that it has remained with me all day, haunting my footsteps and lingering behind me after I passed through doorways. But my energy levels were so low it made it difficult to show my appreciation on my face. It made it difficult to jockey for a place in the conversation about her work until a space was carved out specifically for me.
It reminded me of the way I used to feel in the morning, before my schedule adjusted and my reluctance to rise just became this dragging feeling that I don’t want to leave the warmth and comfort of my bed.
I’m getting a lot done these days. I’m spending a large portion of my time each day writing professionally, aspirationally, and for plain old funsies, which was always the dream. Occasionally I find time for embarrassing wobbly alone-yoga or reading a book. But I miss the velvet, waiting silence of the wee hours.
Speaking of velvet…
SPIDER SPOTLIGHT!
Meet Yorick. He is a male North African Velvet Spider, or Stegodyphus dufouri. He might have one molt left in him since he continues to have a good appetite, but he could also be mature.
My daughter Charlotte (8) named him after a character in a book we read together, Cleo Porter and the Body Electric by Jake Burt. She was drawn to the book’s cover because the young protagonist has a spider-like entity looming over her, and well… this family loves spiders. We’re looking for them, and find them, pretty much everywhere. That entity turned out to be a large drone, one of many in the book. The main character Cleo “befriends” a pint-sized one and puts it in a model skull, which floats along beside her as a sidekick with glowing eyes and a perpetual grin and bears the name “Yorick.”
My daughter was tickled pink by this character and highly entertained by his adorable non-sentience, and so when I brought home this sweet Velvet boy to replace a female Stegodyphus dufouri that sadly didn’t make it through a bad molt, it seemed clear that we could only name him after the funniest drone inside a skull we’d ever read about together. It’s the little things, as every spider family comes to know quite well.
Yorick spends a lot of time tapping around his enclosure and looking for a lady friend. In addition to not finding a mate, his hobbies include basking in clear view, decorating his web tunnels with cricket carcasses, and looking appropriately haunted for a species that practices matriphagy.
Alexis is building a readership while she writes. She is working on a dark fantasy novel in which a girl discovers that if you hang onto something you love too tightly, you risk mangling it. She also enjoys writing about her violin, her spiders, and her family.